i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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