So drunk its hurt
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dear god my vagina.
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