im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
