I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
