if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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