I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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