oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
