Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Mom said you looked used
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
