I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
