The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
