Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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