He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
