She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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