dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
