people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
