I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
