I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Boobs speak an international language.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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