If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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