dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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