the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
