im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
