Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
