from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
