you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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