I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
