Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
