Sponge bath it is.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
