I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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