Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
