First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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