im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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