Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
