in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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