New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
