You can't special order awesome
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
