I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
