I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
