Too much gin, very little bucket
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
