i permit you to call me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
