I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
