I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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