I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
