just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
