drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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