i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
