btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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