That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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