She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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