Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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