the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
