I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
