normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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