Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
