So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
