ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
