So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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