He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
