So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize