So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
