She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
