How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your cock deserves a montage
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
