I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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