dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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