; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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