Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
His hands were made for my vagina.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
