So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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