you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
