Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
