She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
