Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
