Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just tell him i said nine months
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
