so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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