Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
