You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
