I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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