Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
