oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize