I accidentally had phone sex last night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
