why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
