Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
